Dear Kelli, You are Internetting Wrong

I just noticed this post to the Facebook page from nearly two weeks ago; our good friend Kelli has struck again because I think she might be bored or a glutton for punishment or, after reading her bizarre, error-laden and nonsensical tirades I am leaning towards, just super high on drugs. I guess she saw that I published her comments that she made (publicly) regarding the death of my father and I am guessing she recognized her Facebook profile pic in some of the screen shots I used because I don’t think “words” are really her thing. In any case here’s….whatever the fuck this is:

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Okay, where to begin; I am guessing the “threats” and the “private co[n]vo (?)” to which she is referring were actually made by/had with someone else that Kelli is currently arguing with on the internet because I published every word that I wrote to her (I even wrote about how she wouldn’t let me write anything else to her; “I did, however, try to write back to Kelli, just to ask her if she was a robot but her messenger account informed me that “this user is not currently accepting messages from you at this time”)…..because I am not ashamed of the things I say to other people, even when I totally should be. Last I checked, suggesting that someone had magical life-giving abilities that protect those around them from mortality does not count as a “threat”, but then again I have not looked the word up in the dictionary in a few weeks so I admit that I may need a refresher course. But I am guessing that this thing happens all the time to people like Kelli; I think she’s easily confused and has trouble with “facts”…and the proper placement of vowels(I just wanted to be sure that everyone could hear the sarcastic air quotes around that).
Although I am positive that the Renton Police department have me well on their radar I doubt it has anything to do with this blog or with defamation (which Kelli totally spelled correctly, big hand for her) or with Kelli. Disorderly conduct, shoplifting, public indecency, jaywalking, public intoxication, failure to yield; probably one of those. I would also like to point out that Kelli claims to know me (from Delancy’s (?) one of the few bars in Renton to which I have actually never been…SWING AND A MISS!) but I think we can all agree that if Kelli really knew me she would not have chosen the word “narrow” to describe my ass. For my ass might be many things; narrow is emphatically not one of them. As for Kelli’s being a disabled veteran, I thank her for her service and for her sacrifice. Your brave and noble service to your country, however, does not make you above any and all scrutiny regarding your conduct. Doing something good once or even for decades does not “buy you a pass” to treat others poorly. Goodness and decency (at least this is what I have heard because I am obviously out of my depth here) are not stored up in a bank or on one side of a scale just waiting to be balanced out with your shitty behavior; they just exist inside of you…well maybe not YOU but some people, for sure.
Remember, Kelli, you are the one who saw a person suffering and chose to kick them while they were down and then ran away from your words as soon as someone (not even me) called you out on your rudeness. I understand that some people just HAVE TO have an opinion about EVERYTHING they actually take the time to skim while sitting on the toilet. That’s just the way some humans are. I also understand that not everyone is capable of realizing that their opinions were unpopular and just shrugging off the whole experience. Some people need to feel like they are accomplishing something great or changing minds or at the very least scaring people by making strange and confusing claims about “dragging [my] narrow ass (still giggling) into court”. And I am here to tell Kelli that she is, in fact, totally accomplishing something great by continuing our befuddling and, at times, contentious relationship: I sat down at the computer and thought “What the fuck am I going to write about?” Then I saw Kelli’s posts and I was like “Shit Yeah! I ain’t gotta do shit ’cause this loopy bitch is giving me GOLD!” I figure if we can keep this up I won’t have to do ANY real, actual work, and y’all can just read the Kelli Brown Blog!
Also, (drink) I just wanted to say that I LOVE how she wrote these posts, at 5:00 am, as if she were addressing “the masses”…yeah all the many masses of people who read this blog! Also, also, I hate to burst Kelli’s bubble but no one can see her posts unless I choose to share them, WHICH I TOTALLY DID!
I love you guys all so very much! Thanks for making things wonderful, even you, Kelli! Remember to be kind to one another even when it’s the more difficult choice…or not. Do whatever you want, I’ll always accept you but mostly because my expectations regarding human behavior are remarkably low. XOXO
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2 thoughts on “Dear Kelli, You are Internetting Wrong

  1. Be careful D – if this #$%^ is truly a vet (doubt it) she may have experience with firearms. Be safe. I can’t believe how callous and ignorant one person can be. Perhaps she could check into one of the local hospital’s ‘penthouses’. Her spelling and grammar are just sad. I can’t believe with her vocabulary and writing skills she was ever in the book store, or any book store. Maybe she follows book blogs so she can appear smart. Doesn’t work. Her words are inexcusably mean. She makes me cringe. To quote one of the Simpson characters, she would make Santa Claus himself vomit in rage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Cathy, I don’t think she was ever in the shop. I think she just probably saw that one of the her FB friends “liked” or commented on the original post and that is how it came to be on her radar at all. She had never “liked” the store’s page.
      She doesn’t know me….and for her sake that’s probably for the best. Also, I am guessing the amount of opiates and antipsychotics she’s on make it difficult to hold and aim a water pistol…let alone anything heavier.

      Thanks so much for reading! XOXO

      Like

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